Qu’est-ce qu’elle a dit? (What did she say?)

It’s been near 3 months for me here and all goes well. My French is coming along slowly but steadily and I must admit, I’m rather proud of the progress I’ve made. The trick is to try and speak as much French as possible and try to use all the words you learn. Of course, in the process of learning one will make many mistakes, its part of the game. Normally my mistakes end up making no sense at all because the grammar is way off or I simply took an English word and made it French but it doesn’t actually exist in French. However, recently I have said things that make sense but are not at all what I mean.

1) One week we had a problem with gnats in the house. Very annoying. We had a girl over who works with Alain for scouts and we were talking while Alain made dinner. There was an open bottle of wine on the counter and as I went to pour myself a glass, I realized there were a herd of gnats drowning in the wine.

I wanted to say: “Well the gnats like to be drunk!”
So I said: “Les bêtes aime être bouré”
What I actually said: “The little beasts like to be shi*-f@ced”
I learned “bouré” from some French friends and I didn’t know it wasn’t a word to use around family!

2) Just this morning I was talking to Alain

I wanted to say: “But I’m healthy so…”
So I said: “Je suis en santé” but it came out like “Je suis enseinte”
What I actually said was: “But I’m pregnant so…”

3) I needed to know whether or not I should do a survey Alain had sent the scouts and me for a dinner in a couple of weeks.

What I wanted to say: “Do you want me to do the poll?”
So I said: “Est-ce que tu veut me faire…?” I stopped because I didn’t know the word for poll
What I actually said: “Do you want to do me” or “Do you want to do to me?”
Egad that was awkward.

4) By far the best one happened when I was reading a recipe to Alain. It was good practice for me to read out loud (just like the children I care for).

The recipe read “Couvrir et baisser les legumes”
This means simply enough “Cover and lower the temperature of the vegetables”
I actually said “Couvrir et baiser les legumes.” You wouldn’t think one little s would make a huge difference, but in French it does ( the S sound for 2ss and the Z sound for 1s). Because what I actually said was “Cover and f*%# the vegetables.” Oopsidaisies.

Fortunately the kids weren’t around for any of these. Alain has gotten a kick out of all of them (especially number 4) and, fortunately for me, he and Caroline are laid back and understand that I’m not trying to be absolutely inappropriate.

So I hope you’ve had a good laugh. Enjoy your weekend! And if you’re in Georgia, enjoy the beautiful weather!